SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
