just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I FOUND THE LEGS
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
