Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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