Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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