Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
