Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
