Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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