WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
