Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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