a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
