His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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