When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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