it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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