I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
