Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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