My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
