hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
