Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
