Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
