Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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