Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
