it's not cheating when I paid for it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
