i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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