Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
