problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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