yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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