we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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