saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
