im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
as a side note pls kill me
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