just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
