Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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