ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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