Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
