He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
