We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
