When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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