I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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