just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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