Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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