I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
