Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dignity is for republicans.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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