So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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