So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
