I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
