she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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