You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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