We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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