I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
