I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
