If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
