I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
