:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
