it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
